Why You Need To Stop Focusing On People Who Do Not Support You

Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

Being around unsupportive people was the story of my life at one point. Don't get me wrong, I always had a handful of close friends and family who supported me, but there was an imbalance of people who I was "cool" with that didn't support. Of course this annoyed me to no end. I would rack my brain around why people who claimed to like me so much wouldn't support anything productive that I did. Yet whenever it was time for a good time, a party, a laugh, they'd come around like clockwork.

Thankfully, I began to grow out of worrying about who was and wasn't supporting me. It was too much time being wasted thinking about who wasn't sharing my artwork or blogposts and why they weren't. It's so liberating that that part of my life is water under the bridge.

There are many reasons why friends, family, and/or associates my not support you. Here are a few:
  1. Jealousy/Envy: Ah yes, the classic green eyed monster. However, let's not always jump to accusations of hateration in this dancery. 
  2. Competition: Unfortunately a lot of people haven't gotten the memo that it's more than enough room for everyone to prosper. 
  3. Your Work May Not Be That Great: We are our biggest fans, and we should be, but that doesn't mean we can't put out some janky work from time to time. This is why, going back to #1, we have to remain humble and not always jump to conclusions of people being jealous.At the same time, a real friend or family member would encourage you to work on your craft.
  4. It's Not Them It's You: Sometimes you may be the problem. I know that's not popular to say in this "it's always someone else"/"toxic people"/"cut off" social media climate, but no one is without flaw. Maybe your attitude and the way you treat people isn't the best. Maybe you're an obnoxious butthole. Before we start pointing the finger at possible "haters" who don't want to see you win, sometimes we must first examine ourselves. 
  5. Not Interested: That's wonderful you handcraft miniature figurines, but unfortunately the average person you associate with may not be into that. 
  6. You Don't Support Them: You have to give support to get support too. Don't be so self absorbed with yourself that you forget to interest yourself into what others are doing.
We also have to realize that no one is obligated to support us. Yeah, it would be great for cousins, associates, and social media followers to immediately jump on our bandwagons as soon as we put out that book, that makeup line, or that music video, but we have to gain support. Although it may get frustrating to see people support celebrities that they don't know instead of their friends and family, to a very small degree (and I do mean a very small degree because I think not supporting friends and associates is on the petty side) I understand why. Although celebrities have large fanbases, they did have to start off small and gain a following. Plus, who said this journey would be easy? This is apart of the package when it comes to building whatever you want to craft for your life.

The world is so much bigger than the people you went to school with, the people in your family, the people you grew up with and so forth. I've been running my blog, vintage store and creating and selling my art and jewelry for a couple of years and the support I've received from people I never met is astounding, especially with my art business.

Sometimes I have to sit back and take it all in like "Damn. There are people across the country and in different countries wearing my jewelry and hanging my artwork in their homes." The comments, emails, and love is overwhelming. If I decided to continue to fight for the people "around me" to support me, I'd still be doodling in sketch books as a hobby. You cannot and should not wait for the people around you to support you. They are not the end all be all. Even if they do support you unconditionally, the support doesn't stop there.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash
Unfortunately some people we know and grew up with still see us as the way we were when they first met us. I have old classmates who still see and try to treat me as the 5th grade or 10th grade girl they once knew long ago (key word: try to). I've come to realize that when people can't accept your growth, it's due to them being stagnant, stuck, and in my case uncomfortable with someone deemed as "less than" coming into their own and glowing up. Folks love placing people in boxes based off their sole and biased encounters and interactions with you no matter how long ago and despite your come upance. I don't mean to brag or toot my own horn, but that's exactly what my experience has been like. Skip them.

Some people would rather wait until the world appreciates you to later hop on to your bandwagon. Don't take it personal or get sidetracked. At the beginning of the day and at the end of the day, your progress and your journey matters the most. The same people who doubted you, overlooked you, and ignored you will be all up in yo' inbox and IG comments telling you how (fake) "proud" they are of you. Stay focused despite that.

In my own life, being an underdog and not having a lot support has made my journey a lot more interesting. While I was focused on the lack of support, I was angry and even became bitter. And that is exactly how we block our blessings. I'm so beyond that part in my life and so focused on building my brand(s) and creating for and working with people I've never met, I had to chuckle at how foolish I once was. I've accepted it and embraced my situation to the fullest. The unsupported journey builds character, a strong sense of independence, and it's motivating.

Accept not having supportive people around as a challenge that;s merely a stepping stone in your journey. Instead of harping on lack, choose a mind state of abundance and take the opportunity to expand your circle(s), relationships, and worldview. Step out of your comfort zone, meet new people, network. Worrying about unsupportive people is counterproductive and brings unnecessary stress and doubt when there are folks out in the world who are waiting to see what you have to offer. If you must, charge these unsupportive people to the game and rearrange your circle.

The world doesn't start or end with the people you came up with. Whatever you're doing, make sure your character is on point, you're humble, your work is quality, and you're putting your all into your goals. The world's population is 60 billion and growing. Stop worrying about the 50 people in your hometown who aren't supporting and flourish through your journey.

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How do you handle a lack of support from peers, family, and friends? What made you stop worrying about unsupportive people? Share below!




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CONVERSATION

10 comments:

  1. Wow, this post resonated so much with me! I've definitely been receiving a lot of support in terms of my blog from people all over the world as opposed to my friends nearby. I would just tell myself that maybe they're not interested. Thanks for sharing. xoxo

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  2. You’re so right about the world being bigger than people we know. Sometimes you find your tribe outside your community. I like that you also gave a balanced viewpoint. Honestly a lot of ppl are really just self-absorbed

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  3. Sometimes people want to support you. They just don't necessarily want to support you in the way you're presenting. For example, you may want people to buy your product. Your family might not prioritize your product enough, and that's perfectly OK. I like to give people multiple ways to support me. It's not like I have a shortage of needs as a small business owner!

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  4. I am learning to let them go the first time I see them not supporting me. I use to hold on to them thinking oh maybe they were to busy or making excuses but if you can find the time to support others and not me that tells me a lot

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  5. This was right on time! Tranisitioning into a new year with new goals and a new outlook have really opened my eyes. I appreciate the opportunity to reflect relationships and hold myself accountable for how they go.

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  6. You're so right - we really do need to shift our focus from those who aren't supportive to those who are. The thing we our memory is that we remember NO more than YES!

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  7. Love this, it's such a message! "Worrying about unsupportive people is counterproductive", is sooo true! It reminds me of bitterness/holding grudges. It's only harming yourself, not the people who you are holding the grudge against.

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  8. I stop focusing on this a while ago. When I started my business I knew my family would support. But here I am coming up on year two of my business and none of my family has booked anything with me. I have had more supoosu from strangers and friends than family. Sad but true.

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  9. This is a great article! Sometimes we get in our feelings about the closest to us don't support but I think we have to remember that they don't have it. We should focus on those who actually want to support us. Sometimes its people that we don't even know

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  10. You're absolutely right about no one being obligated to support you. And that doesn't make them a hater either. As you said, you have to be your own champion and supporter and forge on.

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